Z is for Zodiacs

My zodiac sign is Leo, which is for August, well not all of August but part of July and August. According the characteristics of a Leo we are supposed to be: confident, ambitious, generous, loyal, encouraging, pretentious, domineering, melodramatic, stubborn and vain.

Okay I agree with some of these charactersistics but some I do not believe I am at all. I am supposed to be well organized, well that doesn't happen a lot. Sometimes I get into a fit of I got to clean everything up and put it in its place but there are many days when I am like ah leave it I will get to it later.

I am not always confident and tend to second guess myself a lot. I am not very ambitious, yes I want to get ahead in life but I won't do it at any cost. I am generous most of the time sometimes I am stingy. I am loyal to a fault and sometimes that is my downfall. I am very encouraging of others and not so much to myself.  I am very melodramatic, that's why I am a writer. I am very stubborn but I blame that on my German roots. I am not vain, far from it in fact. I don't think I am pretty or anything of the sort.

Y is for youth

Oh to be young again and go back and do it all over again and not have the worries of adulthood and all that it entails.

I would love to go back to the days of having someone else take care of me and provide all that I need and not have to worry about money or work. I would love to go back to the days when all I had to do was get up, go to school, get my homework done, although I fought that tooth and nail. To play with my friends out on the road until dark and ride my bike or go next door and jump on the trampoline or ride bikes down the street and have a great time and no worries. To go back to watching cartoons in the morning and reading when I wanted.

To be young again would be great but then I think look at all that you have learned as you have grown older. What would you do with that knowledge if you were younger? Would you change things or just let it go the way it was meant to? Would you have the friends you have now or the child you are so proud of? What if?????????????????????

X is for Xenophobic

Xenophobia is the fear of strangers. Didn't know that there was such a thing. I knew of people who were afraid to go outside but to actually be afraid of strangers is harder to understand. At some point in our lives we are all strangers to each other until we meet and get to know each other.

To me that would be a lonely existence not to be around people that's how we make friends and have great people in our lives by meeting people but I understand that some cannot. I have days when I don't want to talk to anyone and my friends understand that but there are times too when I want to go out and have fun but I do have a hard time walking up to people I don't know and starting a conversation especially if they are a gorgeous hunk of a specimen. But to those who suffer from this phobia I sympathize and maybe there will be a way to figure out how to live with it that is beneficial to all.

Why do I write?

I sometimes ask myself that question. Why do I write? I don't do it everyday like I should but I don't go a day that I am not thinking about writing and coming up with story ideas in my head that somehow disappears when I get home.

I look around and see the people who surround me and I make up little stories about them and their lives. It's so much fun to pretend that I know their real stories.

I was watching Game of Thrones last night and in one of the episodes, Sansa was sitting on the dock with her handmaiden, Shay and they were making up stories about the ships that were out in the water. I thought at first that Sansa was telling the truth until I realized she was just making up a story. So in a way I am like her, pretending that I know the truth.

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction as they say and I think it's fun to delve into the true history and see what is fact and what is fiction. I have been "writing" since I was in the second grade when our second grade teachers had us write short stories about clowns and then about an animal. I didn't do so well on the clown one but I do kind of remember the story I wrote about a spider that was living in the corner of my room of my bedroom in my childhood home. Not that I can remember it all and then I think I had to re-write the story of the ant and the grasshopper and I don't think that came out well either but I did love when we were in junior high, I think, in literature class and we had free write or reading time. I loved that time. It was the best time for me because I love to read and I loved doing book reports when it dealt with authors because I got to learn something fascinating about them.

I try to keep a notebook around to write down ideas and there about a ton of stories I have started but not completely finished but I did get one completely finished two years later but I am working on the revisions and research now. I have tried to read about how to write but I am going with my instincts and go with my feelings of what comes out even if it doesn't make sense the first time and my grammar gets atrocious. That was not my thing in school, grammar or math or science. But I loved literature, because I got to read and escape to new places and history because I learned new things about our country and got to question why did we do what we did?

So for now I will persevere on writing and see where it leads me. Maybe one day I will be able to say see that book over there on the shelf along with the ones written by my favorite authors? I wrote that and I am damn proud of it.

V is for Visions

V is for visions and I don't mean the kind brought on by starving ourselves or delving into drugs. I am in no way shape or form a medicine woman, a psychic or anything like that. Now being a psychic might be fun but then I would know my future possibly and sometimes that might be a bad thing.

Visions to me is the idea for a book or an art project, not that I can draw. Doing good to draw stick figures. I do have visions for cakes but sometimes they don't work out exactly the way I want and sometimes it's a good thing or a bad thing, mostly bad though. LOL.

I try to draw out my ideas on paper but then I am not an artist  like DaVinci so I do the best I can.

My vision for my future is to keep my friends close as possible and to move forward in my life, I know I'm almost 45 and I am still thinking of the future but if we don't think of the future and what might be where would we be? DEAD......but I digress. My vision for the future is to get at least one book completed, edited, researched and published and then go from there.

 I am hoping to sell a few of the books and say I am a published author and then maybe I will do more and maybe just maybe Johnny will be willing to be my hero and will want to make a movie out of one of my books and then I will realize my vision of finally meeting him.

U is for ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

U is for ummmmmm...........what to write about for this letter. Maybe I can go with unapproachable. That's a good word to use. Unapproachable. Sometimes I am very standoffish for fear of being hurt but other times I let others in just to be hurt like I predicted, self fulfilling prophecy anyone??????????? I have let some in and they have not hurt me but have instead supported me through thick and thin and there's been a
lot of thick or maybe it was thin? I don't know but I do know that they stood by me and haven't let me down so thank you.

I am bad about the walls around me that comes from years of experience in being let down not just by the opposite sex but life in general. I"m not saying my life was all bad but there have been some downs as well as ups. Oh look another U word, lol. My ups in my life have been my friends, my son, my family but my downs have also been that too, except for my son. He's been mostly an up but I have been a down to him for a long time and I wish I could go back and fix it.

I hope now that my life is on an upswing and stays that way for a while I am tired of the down swing and I know I have to be the one that changes that and no one else. I can't blame everything that has gone wrong in my life on others, I have had a huge hand in that myself and it's up to me to fix it.

T is for Testing

T is for Tests. There are all kinds of tests, standardized tests, driver tests, job tests, school tests. But the one test I think about the most is our daily test. Every day we are tested with our jobs, our homes, our family, our friends and how we deal with these tests shows the kind of person we are. Some days I pass these tests with flying colors and I am fine but other days I just want to bury my  head in the sand and say please God let it be over soon. Every night I pray for all my family, friends and my son and that every thing will be okay the next day.

I never know day to day what is going to happen or where my life will go. I have so many plans that I want to accomplish but I know it's a test of my faith in myself and God if it will work out. I have a great support group that tells me to keep going and not stop. But there are many days when I doubt myself and if I will make it to the next day without royally screwing up.

I have a new job now and that in itself is a new test that I hope to pass but then today I got a phone call from a friend who says that might be able to get me into their company and work my way up to full time quicker and I am not sure. Here's the test.....do I stay at my current job where I have already invested time and money in shirts or do I take a chance and change jobs after just a couple of weeks?

Another test I have to finish these blogs that I started at the beginning of April and fell behind again as I always do when it comes to finishing a project on time and then it's on to finishing the revision of my WIP (Work in Progress) and try to write a 400 word short story for a contest. So many tests and I am not sure if I can pass them all. I hope to but then again, tests were not my forte in school and I am not afraid to admit it.

Snakes

I wasn't going to do snakes for the letter S but today we saw a baby snake out in the backyard. We think it's dead but that don't mean that momma snake ain't hiding somewhere. Let's just say I am terrified of snakes and if I see one that will be the fastest you ever see my butt run. I hate looking at pictures of them and I can't stand to see them on television and don't think I'm gonna watch movies like Snakes on a Plane or Anaconda. No way in hell am I gonna do that.

Okay my little rant for the day brought to you by the letter S.

I am horrible at relationships. I have a way of killing them and sending them down six feet under never to be resurrected again. I have been married and then divorced a year and a half later. Always said my divorce lasted longer than my marriage.  (I got married in ’93 and divorced in ’95). 


I have dated a few times but nothing has lasted over a year. Heck I was lucky if it lasted six months and that was doing really good in the relationship. Either I was the mother hen, blame that on being the semi-oldest child, or they were too much of a drama king, and yes there is such a thing I know from experience more than once, and I couldn’t handle it anymore so I either left or created a situation where they were forced to end it.

 I guess I am too set in my ways and keep a wall built up sky high, like a fortress so that no one can get to know the real me and hurt me or disappoint. I’m still waiting for my Mr. Prince Charming but he won’t be so charming so much as a saint to deal with my stupidity which occurs quite often or me just wanting to be left alone for a  while and they understand that I need my space and it’s not that I am mad at them for something. 


Maybe that’s why I am so much a loner. I like my space and I am fine being by myself for periods of time talking to know one , well maybe myself or those voices (shut up voices I’m talking right now). I have friends who are the bestest in the whole wide world who are somewhat similar to me but not exactly like me thank god or the world would be in deep trouble but I digress from topic. 


The topic is relationships so I guess that would count too since they are my friends and they understand my going off topic and just ramble ramble ramble. Oops I’m doing it again, get back on track. I just hope one day that I find the right one and I hope it’s not when I am 90 years old and have one foot in the grave. Oh well, maybe I need to make a trip to London to see Johnny and profess my undying love to him, lol, or maybe I’ll go visit Hogwarts and create my own.

Queens

Queens of the Stone Age

Queen of Sheba

Queen Elizabeth I and II

Mary, Queen of Scots

Queen Victoria

Drama Queens

Drag Queens

Dairy Queen

Procrastination

P is for procrastination which is something I am very good at. Oh wait, I can’t finish this because I have a book review to do, now wait four of them to do and I have to read a book called Nora Roberts Land by Ava Miles and then I have to go to work tomorrow and oh what else. So time to put this off and go start another project.

O is for oogly. Like gag me with a spoon, we’re having a flashback to the 80s.  It’s tease the hair a mile high and peg our jeans. Don’t forget the multiple layers of different colored socks and the different layers of shirts that we wore with the big costume jewelry necklaces or that we were trying to look like Madonna in our short skirts and our layered tanks.

How about we get out the old VHS tapes and watch Valley Girl  with Nick Cage where it all started like totally tubular dude, or let’s hope when we turn sixteen we get a car for our birthday instead of our parents forgetting our birthday like poor Sam had to deal with in Sixteen Candles. Let’s just hope none of our younger brothers pay a dollar to see a pair of underwear and pray it’s not yours.

Maybe we will end up in Saturday detention and break all the rules and join the club, The Breakfast Club but make sure your essay is done.  Maybe as you are at the summer club Patrick Swayze will come up to you and ask you to go Dirty Dancing with him and tell others not to put Baby in the corner or maybe as you wander the hall Keanu Reeves will come up to you and ask you to go on an Excellent Adventure with him and Bill or is he Bill and Alex Winter is Ted? I get confused.

 

We all hope we’re all like a virgin being touched for the very first time and lying on the boat in Venice with the lion roaming around the town like Madonna portrayed or maybe we are like Weird Al Yanovich and we are Like a Surgeon. Of course we could relax and don’t do it as Frankie Goes to Hollywood suggests.     

                                                                

We can all be working class dogs and dreaming of Jesse’s girl or we could be the eye of the tiger and the thrill of the fight will be upon us as we run up the steps in Philadelphia and practice our boxing skills. Of course we could head to Africa and see the rains or let’s get physical and let our body talk.

Note to past self

A note to my past self.  Hello me in 1987, you are getting ready to graduate from high school and face the future. You have made some really great friends who some you will stay in touch with through college and some you will lose contact with until years later when a program named Facebook comes into play and so you get to reconnect with several of your high school friends via a thing called the internet that is used on computers and not the great big giant ones but small ones that sit on a desk. Your former crushes will now be friends on this program and you can see how they are doing in their lives and have mini reunions all the time.

In the next two years you will go on to college and have more crushes and lots of fun and yes you date but not much because you are still a very shy person and that doesn’t change much over the years. And yes, you are still a chatterbox with your friends. You will have some amazing friends in college and you will lose contact with some just as you did in high school but you will keep one or two very close to you over the years. You will be accused of being an alien, that will just have to be a surprise when it happens, you will be in trouble several times in college but not enough to get kicked out and you will discover new adventures and things as the years go by and sometime you will lose the right to go to the Virgin Islands according to your friends.

You will drop out of college because you get upset with the teachers but you will try to go back. In 1992, you will meet your husband and then he turns into your ex after a couple of years but you will be blessed with a wonderful son who has become so much in life and you are very proud of him.

You will do many stupid things in your life but eventually you learn from your mistakes. You will become semi engaged again but it won’t go anywhere so don’t worry too much. He’s not really worth it. You will several guys in your life but only one will truly send you into heartbreak for a while. It’s not his fault it was just a timing thing but for a while you are hurt and you learn that it was just meant to be.

You will continue to pursue your dream of writing and you will have written a complete novel and started two others which hopefully will be published but at this time we don’t know if they will be or not.

As you get older you’ll go back and wish you could change several things in your life but you will come to realize that if you do you won’t have your son or the wonderful friends you have in the future who are a wonderful support system and there are times when you need that. So just a word of advice to you, stay strong and don’t get discouraged. You’ll make it although there will be plenty of days when you want to run and hide. Try to stay the course and get your teaching degree. You love kids and the thirst for knowledge and that will never change. Stay true to yourself and don’t change for others.

M vs M

M vs M and no I don’t mean the candies. This is the battle of the cat and the dog. In the left corner weighing in at seven pounds is the little white Maltese named Mikie and in the right corner weighing in at six pounds is the calico cat named Missy.  Mikie is the newcomer and has only been around since December while Missy has been around for a while and is used to the house and those who live here including the other dog, Bandit, the chickens and the rabbit, ChiChi. Mikie on the other hand is still acclimating himself to the surroundings but should be used to all the animals by now but he has this thing of irritating Missy and she him.

Mikie loves to aggravate Missy every chance he gets and waits to see her outside and then he begs the humans in the house to let him out so he can chase her or sneak attack and try to nip her in the butt so she’ll turn around and try to scratch him or chase him around the yard.

Missy too likes to instigate the aggravation of Mikie so that she can get him to bark and chase her. Some days it’s a game between the two of them and others it’s just plain meanness. Missy can be sitting on the top step of the deck and watch him move around on the patio when all of the sudden she’ll creep down the stairs, over to the rocker and hop on it and then dare Mikie to do something so that he gets in trouble.

One day when I was taking him and Bandit for a walk I turned around and saw her creeping down the driveway and tried to sneak up on him. He didn’t see her at first and kept walking down the road, so she waited in the yard behind of the railroad ties and barely stuck her head up above to spy on the dogs. She waited very patiently for the dogs to come back from their walk and when she saw Mikie she started walking towards the left of the yard and hoped over the rail tie and on to the driveway. It took a few minutes for Mikie to see her and when he did he started barking and tried to pull at his leash to get to her. She just stood there and looked at him as if to say, “Ha ha I just got you into trouble with the human and you can’t do anything about it.” 

Everyday is always a battle of who is going to get who in trouble. We had hoped by now that he would settle down and behave but he is very much a toddler in a dog's body and Missy is having way too much fun.

L is for the two Lindas in my life

L is for my two friends named Linda and they are the greatest people in the world and I don’t know how I would live without them in my lives to keep me in line. My first friend Linda lives in Missouri and is from Mississippi and is a talented storyteller, gifted craftsperson and a supermom raising three boys and dealing with all that testosterone. She helps keep me grounded and is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on, have a truckload of drywall ready when someone makes me mad and she is one of my many serial cheerleaders. If I feel doubtful of my work she encourages me to go on or says hey why not trying this instead and it makes sense. I am blessed to have met her when I started going to writer’s group in Missouri and she is still a close friend even though we are miles apart. Thanks for being in my corner and keeping my butt in line and listening to my rants and raves and my sometimes off the wall ideas and keeping me in line and on track with my writing along with Valerie and Avery.

The other Linda in my life is my co-worker at Wal-Mart who helps me stay calm when I get so mad I want to throw someone in the oven and lock the door. She’s there when I want to tear my hair out from frustration and she gives me honest criticism on my current stories and always wants to know what will happen next. She helps me when she can and I try to do the same for her. She will be one of the ones I miss the most when I leave Wal-Mart in the next week to start my new adventure. I will miss the stories of her granddaughter and her ability to make me laugh. Thanks for three great years and I will keep in touch with all of you at the bakery.

K is for Kerry

K is a hard letter to come up with so I‘ll go with a person on this one. K is for my very good friend Kerry Lynn, whom I met in college so many years ago. For a few weeks we didn’t see each other although our classes were next door to each other and we both were next door to each other and we both lived in the same dorm but we never saw each other until that fateful day when we were outside our prospective classrooms and got to talking and found out how much we had in common. 

She has been my rock for over twenty years and there have been years when we haven’t spoken but one phone call and five hours later and we are back to where we started, as if we never drifted apart. She is funny and smart and so blessed to have wonderful friends around and her mom. She is trying to adopt a child, so she is going through the long process of being accepted. I know God will one day grant her dream of being a mom because I know she will be a great one because she is the kindest, gentlest, most patient person I know. Hell she had to be in order to keep me a friend and believe me I am not easy to be around and so anyone that is a friend of mine should be nominated for sainthood.

She has been there when I got married twenty one years ago when she was my maid of honor and was willing to start up the car and whisk me away when she saw the doubts I had in my eyes on the day that was supposed to be the happiest of my life and she was there a year later when I had my wonderful son although she couldn’t be at the hospital to hold she made a special trip to be there for my baby shower. She was there for me when a year and half later I got divorced and made the journey to Arkansas to start my life over with my son. The last time I got to see her was a few years ago when she came down for New Year’s Eve in St. Louis and I miss her every day.

She lives in Lake Jackson, Texas and is a college professor of science, not sure which field she is in because I am so not smart like her, so now our dream of both being in Texas has come true even though we are four to five hours away from each other. I hope to sometime get down there to see her and her wonderful mom. I am so proud to call her a friend and I am happy to see her doing what she has dreamed of and what is to come for her.

J is for Johnny, Jensen, Jared and my good friend Jennifer

J is for Johnny, Jensen, Jared and of course my really good friend Jennifer. Johnny, of course, is Johnny Depp who I l have loved since he played in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Edward Scissorhands and of course Captain Jack Sparrow, who according to him is not drunk all the time but very sneaky on getting what he wants and gets himself into a lot of scrapes.

Jensen is Jensen Ackles who plays Dean Winchester on Supernatural. Just last year I got interested in this series and now I can’t stop watching it because it’s so funny and sometimes sad. And now my niece is hooked on it due to her friends and her wonderful aunt having the first eight seasons on DVD. Jensen plays the bad boy but sometimes you can see a softer side to him but he doesn’t like to show it off.

On the other side of the coin is Sam who is played by Jared Padalecki, who I just read was born in San Antonio, so woo hoo another Texas boy. He is so cute and I just want to reach into the TV and hug him and tell him it’s going to be okay. He is a smart cookie and tries to see the good in almost everyone although he did have issues with his dad.

The other J in my life is my good friend, Jennifer who I met while working at Wal-Mart in the bakery. She might be young and born the year I graduated (god I feel wayyy old now) but she has become a close friend and I cherish my friendship with her. She tells me that I don’t act my age and sometimes I wonder if that’s a good thing or bad thing. But for being 27 she is very mature and has a good head on her shoulders, is a great mom and is trying to do her best in life and show her daughter how to be a strong person. So my hats off to her for that and I will miss her when I leave to go to my new job but she will persevere and do well in life and we are still making that trip to San Antonio to the wax museum so that I can go visit my future husband.

I is for Imagination

I is for imagination. Imagination is a good thing and without it we wouldn't have the books we love or the movies we run out to watch or even set the DVR to record our favorite shows in case we aren't home.  Children have imagination that runs rampant when they are small but as they get older sometimes it gets lost in the world of video games or television shows. I love being able to create things and using my imagination even if it doesn't turn out right or the way I thought it should but that’s the fun in being creative and imaginative. Sometimes what we think is going to go one way might actually go another and is even better.

I love to read and when I pick up books like Eloisa James’ Three Weeks with Lady X; it takes me into a world that I would never have encountered if I hadn't opened up the book. I love the interaction between Lady India and Thorn and the letters were my favorite.  I have started reading, My Soul to Keep, by my wonderful friend Valerie J Prucha and with her worlds I am taken back to Albuquerque and the beautiful scenery and the characters that she has created are so fun to read about.

My favorite shows like Criminal Minds, Face Off, and Pawn Stars are wonderful because they can pull of some amazing things and there are sometimes when I am so interested in the subject that I want to go research. I am working on my book right now and so my imagination is having fun with the characters and the scenery but I have to do some more research to make it accurate.

When my son was little I loved his imagination and the things he could create on paper and the stories behind his drawings. When I was in college I worked in a day care center where I watched three and four year olds. They were the best for stories and imagination. There was one little boy, who is not so little now, that was named Chance and he was such a cutie. He had blonde hair and blue eyes and was the sweetest thing ever. He said when he grew up he wanted to be a cowboy. I hope he realized his dream.

I always imagined my life differently, when I was young I wanted to be a journalist first and travel all over the world and then later it transferred to teaching and my love of writing was still there but not at the forefront of teaching others. Now it has come forward again and I hope I can let my imagination run wild again.

I love walking along the road by our house and looking around and trying to imagine what might be hidden under a pile of mulch that is pretty high or just looking around and figuring out the people’s lives and what they do for a living and how they act behind closed doors. I could sit at a coffee shop for hours and people watch and make up stories and see how close I get if I ever got the nerve to ask them. I am just glad I was blessed with an imagination and that it has completely disappeared. Now to keep it going with my writing and cake decorating and see what wonderful worlds I can create.

H is for History

H is for History.  I love history and always have. I think that’s why I gravitate towards the historical romances to learn something new every time I open up a book and see what adventures lie between the covers. I also love watching the History channel and the Travel channel when it comes to watching Pawn Stars, Mysteries at the Museum and other interesting shows like it.

I love the era of the Civil War, not for the bloodshed, not that kind of person but the reasons why brother would go against brother and fight for what they believed in. I like the style of the houses that were built and the dresses and sometimes I wish I could go that far back and see what life was really like. Of course, I would miss having a television, and a smart phone and being able to make my own decisions. I am sure that I would be the character that is the maid or the scullery person and not fortunate enough to be the governess or even the heiress. Although being an heiress might be a bad thing if you look at the rules and restrictions that were placed on them.

I watch programs and then I get interested in some of the subjects and want to learn more. Man where were these shows when we were in high school? I bet we would have been more interested in the subject if we had shows like Pawn stars, Mysteries at the Museum or even Secrets and legends of castles or hotels. Heck even Games of Thrones could get kids interested in history to learn about the time frame whether it was real or not.

I love finding out information on the Salem Witch Trials and why people got to near hysterical proportions on blaming others for witchcraft. I love just learning all that there is to know and research to find out the truth and what was made up. I have lists made of things I want to research and when I write I add to the list.

Thank you to history for keeping us informed and may we ever keep searching for the truth.

G is for Ghosts, Guys, and Ghost Adventures

G is for ghosts, guys and Ghost Adventures.  I used to watch Ghost Hunters and still do when I have time but I have been absolutely, positively hooked on Ghost Adventures because one they are on a night when I don’t have conflicts with my other favorite shows and Zac Bagans is absolutely gorgeous, in that bad boy way. Don’t get me wrong I love the show and its awesome learning the history of the places that they visit but my eyes stayed glued on Zac and how he reacts to the things that happen around him.

He is so funny when he tries to get a rise out of the spirits that are in the building and when he does sometimes the reactions are scary or funny depending on the situation. I had to laugh when he was in Jacinda’s room and he wrote her a letter but wouldn't let anyone read it and he laid on the bed and waited for her to show. Nick and Aaron are awesome too and it is fun to watch them and see where it goes.

Some people say ghosts don’t exist but I think they do and that they are here to let us know that things are okay or going to be okay and sometimes they are here to warn us of things that are to come or save our lives. I have believed in them for a long time and some call me crazy but I don’t think I am and its’ okay if people do. I had one night where I was supposed to wake up for work and I swear I heard my grandmother’s voice tell me to take a jacket that morning. I didn't listen and of course I froze, teach me to listen to my grandma. Other times I have felt like someone is in the room but when I wake up they are gone.

I have gone on a ghost tour in San Antonio recently and it was fun but man I wanted to see some ghosts but I guess they were hiding and didn’t want us to know they were there. One of these days I would love to go on an actual ghost hunt and next time the Ghost Adventures team is this fricking close to me I want to go see them.  They have been in San Antonio and then right after I moved back from Jefferson City, Missouri they went and did a hunt at the Penitentiary and I was like man not fair of course Ghost Hunters went to and I was like all these years I had been saying they needed to come out and explore and then I leave and they do.

So to those of you who believe in the hereafter more power to ya and to those who have pissed me off in the past watch I may come back to haunt you.           

F is for Fate

F is for Fate.  Many will say that you make your own destiny, that nothing is preordained but I, for one, believe that we all have a purpose in life and we have to find the right path that we are meant to go down. I think back so many times what if I had done this or that and then I have to remind myself that if I had done something different then I wouldn't have the friends I have now or the wonderful young man I call son.

I have made some bad choices in the past but I look at them as taking the wrong path in life and trying to find my way back out. Even now I am still trying to find the right path and why I was put on this Earth besides giving birth to my son and to annoy the hell out of some people whether they want to admit it or not.

Fate has lead me to some people I would rather forget and others have never left my memory and will stay there in the back of my mind to remind me of who I used to be and where I have come. I have people now who I am grateful Fate brought forward in my life. I figure I would be worse off without them than with them. I have dated some in my life and still have yet to find my prince but maybe I’m not destined to find my prince. Maybe, just maybe, fate has determined that I am better off on my own doing my own thing and realizing my dreams and that having given birth to a brilliant nineteen almost twenty year old was enough for me.

We shall see what Fate has in store for me for the rest of 2014. I hope its good things but I will take the bad too. I look at this job change as a good thing that the Fates have given me. I almost didn't apply but someone mentioned it to me so the next day I applied and within five minutes I got a phone call for an interview that week. I will keep counting my blessings and praying every day for the good things in my life, my family and my ever present friends, who some days I question their sanity for being there with me and you guys know who you are. Thanks for everything everyone and to the Fates could you send Johnny my way????????????????????????????????????????????????

E is for Encouragment

E is for encouragement. Without it, I would not be where I am today. I have a wonderful support system of friend who I would not be the same if they weren't around to keep me in line and kick my butt when warranted, which is quite often.

If it weren't for their serial cheer leading I would not get any stories written or be able to handle my day to day life. There have been times in my past when I didn't want to go on and I didn't think I would make it one more day in the hell that I felt I had been living in but they kept encouraging me and telling me that it would get better to just keep going on.

I had a boss a few years ago, when I worked for the state of Missouri, who was very special to me. She encouraged me to follow my dreams and head towards my goal for a better life. When I left her to work at another job she gave me a water globe that had Peter Pan in it and the song that played  was “You can fly.” She tried to find one that was the Little Engine that Could but she couldn't so she got me Peter Pan instead and said it was trying to convey the same message. I can do anything I put my mind to. Every day when I look at the globe I am reminded of her encouragement and what she told me when she gave me that globe. To me the globe is my mantra of I think I can, I think I can, to I know I can I know I can. She passed away in 2004 from cancer and I still think of her every day and what she told me and how I could make my life better by just pushing forward and never giving up.

When I was little I had very little encouragement so I tried to prove to the world that I could do but there many days when I let my fears get the best of me and I even do it now but I have friends who I can talk to and they tell me to keep going forward and it will all get better. I try to be an encouraging friend to all that I know and I know that sometimes I get through to them and some days it’s just so bad that you just ignore what others are saying and just let it ride.

Encouragement is a powerful thing and many people do not realize how much power they have in their hands. Saying the right thing might be the difference a person needs to keep going on and not take a wrong turn in life. I still have yet to realize my dreams but I know that I have friends who are right behind me 100% and won’t let me fail without trying. Thank you to all my friends who have been there for me and continue to support me and kick me in the butt when it’s needed.

D is for dreams

D is from dreams. Without dreams we are lost in the world. We all have the big dream of what we accomplish but sometimes we let people tell us it’s not possible. Don’t ever let go of your dreams for one day you might actually get it. I have dreamed of so many things when I was younger and I was an idiot for listening to some saying that I would never accomplish anything. I still try every day to achieve my dream. When I was little I wanted to be a teacher and I let go of that dream through my own fault and not staying on track. Now my dream is to finally publish a book, become a great cake decorator and be happy.

My dreams may not be big but to me they are important. I also have the dream that my son will be happy and successful in whatever he chooses. That is my dream for him and for most parents. We as parents do the best job that we can in raising our children and watch them achieve their dreams and desires. 

I dream of having my book published and I work on it here and there and one day I will realize that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I have ideas of cakes but that takes time and money so that too will become a reality for me. I may never become rich from doing these things but to me it will be a sign that I finally accomplished something that I set my mind to.

I love hearing the dreams of the young children and what they want to accomplish as adults and I try to encourage them to keep going and never stop. I love hearing of the dreams of my friends and cheering them on when it happens. I am so happy to see everyone I care about realize a dream that they have.

So keep dreaming and persevering with your dreams and never give up. One day you could be the next president of the United States or a famous athlete or singer or actor. I just hope one day to say I achieved my goal of being published and getting some ideas out there in the baking world.

C is for Creativity

C is for Creativity. Creativity comes in many forms such as music, art, writing, crafting and so on. I love to watch children use their imagination and create worlds out of nothing or little things like empty boxes or Legos or building blocks.

I remember my son when he was little would make buildings out of his mega blocks or his wooden blocks and then have his toys knock them down or drive through the gates to another world. I used to love his drawings and he would tell me what it was and as he got older he would draw inventions or new ideas.

My brother was a wonderful artist and I used to be so jealous of him because he could create these beautiful things on paper while I was doing good to draw a stick figure.

I have friends who write beautifully and when I read their stories the characters come to life and it’s as if they are there in front of me. I think that’s why I love reading so much. The authors create a character you can either love or hate but you can see them in your mind and it’s like watching a movie in your head.

I also have friends and family who can sing so beautifully and are so talented. I am so proud of them and what they have accomplished. When I hear a song on the radio I am happy to say, “My cousin wrote that song.”

One of my friends is multi-talented; she can create beautiful jewelry, write wonderful stories and somehow manage to wrangle up her three boys like it was nothing. That takes a lot of creativity and will power. I call her super woman.

My links to creativity are not so artistic so I am trying to express myself one way or the other. I love to write even if my grammar is atrocious and run-on sentences and fragments have a hay day with my works and I have to go back and fix them.

I am still learning to decorate cakes and there are days when I love to bake and want to create some new recipe. I love to sing but you better have ear plugs handy, so I reserve my singing for the car or the shower.

All in all I think we need these crazy unnormal people in our lives because without creativity where would we be? Just a bunch of useless drones content from day to day to walk and not see the beauty that surrounds and recognize it.

B is for Bravery

B is for Bravery. For most bravery means a big muscled man who fights off the bad guys and wins along with a few scratches and bruises but hey it was worth the fight to win in the end. But to me bravery means something else. To me it means surviving the worst when life throws you a ton of lemons and you turn around and make lemonade. My life hasn’t been perfect but then whose life is? I have seen a lot of bravery in my life and I am so proud to call some of these people friends and family.

Who else but a brave person can face the news that they have a terminal illness and take it head on and sometimes survive or fight to the end? I know of one lady I used to work with that had cancer and is 79 years old and would come to work every day even after having chemo and having sores under her arms from the radiation. She never quit and kept going and she retired this past August and she is still going strong.

My cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a child who is happy and healthy and went through all the chemo treatments and came out okay. I have a cousin who’s two year old daughter is now going through the effects of cancer and has lost her hair but every day she is strong and goes through the treatments and her family is behind her one hundred percent and I pray every day for the family that they will get this nipped in the bud.My mom had breast cancer and survived her surgery and goes on day by day and does what she can.  So to me these are brave people who have survived horrific instances but came through with a better sense of self.

I have friends who have stood beside me through thick and thin and I call them brave because they chose to be my friend and support me no matter what stupid things I might do. I have one who is going through a lot in their home life but they keep a positive attitude as much as they can for the sake of the children and is finding ways to correct their situation. To me that is bravery. 

Another friend of mine has been to hell and back and is still going strong and has relocated to another state and made a life for themselves and has come to start realizing their dream by working at a wonderful job and having been published and doing other things.

My third friend took a leap of faith and published their book and is working on another. That takes a lot of bravery in my opinion because not everyone is sure of the reaction they might receive from their blood, sweat and tears.

I also think that those who are in dangerous jobs are brave. Our fire fighters, police men and our military. Military members signed up to protect our country so that we can be free. And they, like the fire fighters and the police officers never know from day to day if they will be here to see their family. So thank you to all that have  served and are currently serving our country and to the brave men and women who go out every day to save our lives and our houses.

So to me bravery means facing the obstacles that our thrown our way and to take them with a grain of salt and realize that they are just little tests sent out by fate or God and they are watching to see how we handle the situation. I hope to one day be considered brave for all that I have accomplished but that is a long way in coming but I am proud to say that I know a lot of brave people in my life.

A is for Anger

 Anger as a definition “is an emotion related to one’s psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied.” (http://us.wow.com/wiki/Anger?s_chn=95&s_pt=aolsem&v_t=aolsem)

I have not been denied nor wronged but I have been offended in my own way. I am so tired of hearing people say how much they are wronged and denied so many things in life when they should be grateful for the lives that they have and to be extremely happy that they are alive and somewhat healthy.

I have seen people who are very ill or near death and yet they make it through with flying colors even though they have been through some very rough spots but all in all they made it through and didn't blame others for their unfortunate circumstances.  To me that is the right way to handle things but for others it is easier to blame others and not take responsibility for themselves and try to correct the situation.

Every day I go to work and come home after eight hours with my ankle hurting and sometimes barely able to walk up the steps but I do it when I have to because I have to make a living and can’t be dependent on someone else. Yes, I live with my parents but that is due to financial restrictions at this point and not because of unwillingness to work and try to find work. I have tried for disability twice already and have been denied both times so I go on and try to find another job even if it means hurting myself more.  

So when I hear others say oh I can’t work because I hurt or I don’t have a way to work or it’s so demeaning to work in a fast food place or for minimum wage, I say get off your butts and do it. You cannot be too picky in your job choices in this day and age and I for one am doing what I can to make ends meet until God decides to show me the way I am to go.